Positive Discipline - Foundation of Love
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Learn how to be a father
Le Quang Trung (36 years old, Hanoi) once fell into a crisis in his journey to fatherhood at the age of 33. Eager to welcome his first daughter, he did not foresee the difficulties in balancing work and taking care of his family.
“Working all day is exhausting, and coming home to face moments when my child cries and whines non-stop can be overwhelming. Sometimes I’m so tired that I lose control and yell at my child to be quiet. But afterward, I feel regret because I don’t want my child to grow up in fear. I realized I needed to change in order to raise my child more effectively and appropriately,” said Trung.
In 2022, Trung decided to join the Positive Discipline in Daily Parenting Practices (PDEP) program, organized by Save the Children in collaboration with the Vietnam Association for the Protection of Child's Rights. For eight weeks, every Saturday evening, he attended classes regularly, marking the beginning of his journey to learn how to be a better father.
Trung recalled that in the past, he often forced his children to follow his instructions without question. But through the PDEP program, he came to understand that before guiding their children, parents must first create a friendly and trusting environment, one where children feel safe, respected, and valued. Only then will they truly listen. As he began applying new methods in daily life, he noticed that small changes, like calmly talking to his children when they reacted negatively or always listening to what they had to say, led to a noticeable improvement in family relationships.
“At first, I didn’t believe that a gentle approach could be so effective. But instead of imposing or getting angry, I learned to put myself in my children’s shoes. This helped me regulate my own emotions and made it easier for my children to trust and cooperate. Seeing them happier and more joyful each day, I realized the profound value of patience and the right way to raise children,” Trung said.
These positive changes inspired Trung to share his experience with other families. He hopes the PDEP approach will be widely adopted, helping parents embrace a parenting style rooted in understanding and respect, ultimately creating happier, more positive family environments.
Journey of change from the heart
According to Hoang Thi Tay Ninh, Child Protection Specialist at Save the Children, physical and mental punishment of children remains prevalent in Vietnam and many other countries. This stems from traditional parenting beliefs such as “spare the rod, spoil the child.” Economic pressures, life stress, and a lack of understanding of children's rights continue to contribute to the persistence of violence in child-rearing practices.
In response to this situation, the Positive Discipline in Daily Parenting Practices (PDEP) method was developed to eliminate physical and mental punishment within families. This initiative, a collaboration between Dr. Joan Durrant and Save the Children since 2006 in Sweden, has been implemented in Vietnam since 2018 through the Vietnam Association for the Protection of Children's Rights. PDEP aims to enhance parents’ understanding of child development and perspectives, improve parent-child communication, strengthen problem-solving skills, and promote emotional self-regulation in both parents and children.
The PDEP approach is grounded in two core elements: warmth and structure. Warmth is expressed through love, attentive listening, and companionship, creating a sense of security, trust, and curiosity in children. Structure involves clear guidance and consistent direction from parents, helping children grow within a supportive and predictable environment.
“Punishment causes children to suffer both physically and mentally, from anxiety to fear. It relies on control, making children obey out of fear rather than understanding. In contrast, when children are raised in a safe and trusting environment, they learn more effectively and are more motivated. This happens when parents know how to listen, show respect, communicate clearly, and work with their children to solve problems,” Tay Ninh explained.
Unlike many other positive discipline programs, PDEP does not focus solely on changing children’s behavior. Instead, it emphasizes building a respectful and empathetic relationship between parents and children. Parents are encouraged to look beyond the behavior to understand its underlying causes, allowing them to support and guide their children with compassion, fostering confident, positive development without resorting to punishment.
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Save the Children organizes “Positive Discipline” courses. (Photo: SCI) |
According to Save the Children’s report, since its introduction in 2018, the PDEP method has been effectively implemented in many localities across the country. Numerous parents who participated in the program shared that they now feel more confident in handling difficult situations, have a deeper understanding of their children's psychology and needs, better manage their own emotions, communicate more positively, and experience a stronger sense of connection within the family.
The principles of positive discipline have also made meaningful contributions to national initiatives such as the Action Plan for the Prevention of Violence Against Children (2020–2025) and the Action Program for Children (2021–2030), helping to protect children from both physical and emotional harm.
Beyond the family setting, Save the Children has developed the curriculum “Positive Discipline Education for Teachers,” which has been implemented in more than 60 schools and at the Ho Chi Minh City University of Education. This program equips teachers with the knowledge and skills to apply positive discipline in classrooms and communities, fostering a healthy, friendly, and safe learning environment for children.
These efforts reflect Save the Children’s broader commitment to child protection, by promoting positive relationships in families, schools, and communities; strengthening local child protection systems; encouraging corporate social responsibility in upholding children’s rights; and supporting children in building safe, nurturing environments.
Changing the way children are raised is not merely about adopting a new method, it is a transformative journey that begins with awareness and reaches into the heart of every parent and teacher. When respect and understanding become the foundation, positive discipline not only nurtures knowledge but also enriches the soul, helping to raise a generation that is both mature and joyful. It is a journey worth sharing with every family and every school across the country.
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